well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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