do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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