i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
