he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
