Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
