i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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