You're my little dorito
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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