cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
