Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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