sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize