my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
