dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
