We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
