He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
