She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
