If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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