I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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