this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
