brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
