i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
