So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
