My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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