What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
