Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
