im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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