I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
