I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
