So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
