Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
