holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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