Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
