cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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