So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
