can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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