Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
