I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize