They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
