what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
