I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize