I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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