im about as happy as oj after his trial
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
