So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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