No stitches, just platelets and will power
honey bunches of taint.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
