I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
