I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
