There was a lot of him and a little penis
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
