i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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