i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize