yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
