went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
