Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
