you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
