News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
