did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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