Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just found puke in my bra..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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