I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
