god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
