The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
