Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
