Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
