after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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