i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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