I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
