so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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