You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
