3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
