and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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