I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
