Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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