so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
