Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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