You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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