i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize