I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
