sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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